just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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