I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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