textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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