It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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