i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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