A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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