Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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