smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
