He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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