dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
