guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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