he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
