i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
