The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
