Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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