tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
