I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
