I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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