sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
