I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
