i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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