The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
