he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
