I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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