Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
