hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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