just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
