Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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