just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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