i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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