Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
