oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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