all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
