Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
