Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
