i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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