I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
