i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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