I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
