What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
