I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
