Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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