woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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