I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
