We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you would pick up someone in the library
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
