we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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