if you like me you must not know who I am
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
