Porn is love you can see.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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