i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
