Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize