I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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