Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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