Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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