I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
