You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
