So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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