Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we're making bets on your personal life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
